K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
