Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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