Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
No subtext here. People are naked.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
