Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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