I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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