i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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