He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't turn off my feet"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
