Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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