I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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