She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
