I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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