is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
