that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
