hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
