I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Fuck appropriateness.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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