How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
