can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
