I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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