We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
