***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
false alarm. still invincible.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
