I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
