grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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