After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
