That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
