have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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