Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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