ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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