Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
