I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
