Michael Bay diarrhea
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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