can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
