woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
