I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we're making bets on your personal life
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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