I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
