You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
