rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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