I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
