I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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