I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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