My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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