dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
