Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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