"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
