Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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