A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I AM VODKA MAN
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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