The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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