You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
