You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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