I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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