Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
